Pregnancy and Purpose

Aloha kākou!

My name is Joli Johnston Poster and I'm starting my journey with IMUA Moms at 41 weeks. It feels so weird to find a way to introduce myself and give context to why I've been brought on to this incredible team of powerful women, but I'll do my best and try to make it short! Born and raised on the North Shore of Oʻahu as the daughter of a surfboard shaper and a musician, surfing (and dancing) have been my #1 loves and way to connect to my environment, my ancestors, my body and my family. I've been a special education preschool teacher for 13 years all while developing my fascination and deeply felt purpose of studying health. True health. Root cause medicine that encompasses food, lifestyle, mindset and the physical body. It led me through a personal healing journey that is nothing short of miraculous.

Somewhere along the journey I became a Foundation Training coach which satisfied my curiosity about the physical structure of the body and how important posture is to everything we do. It was the best complement to my surfing, not only allowing me to heal my chronic injuries, but also build a level of body awareness that brought way more precision to my surfing. More on that later! I am also nutritional health coach which is really just an official certification on top of a lifetime of learning how to use food and lifestyle as medicine. It's also a culmination of spending so much time working with special needs children while learning about what a woman's body truly needs to thrive. It's become my personal mission to help women learn how to fortify their bodies so we can produce children who develop optimally. The health of our children begins years before conception. Appropriately- my health practice specializes in women and children.

Ok phew! Got that out of the way. I'm writing from this liminal moment of huge transformation as a woman who is becoming a mother, transitioning through careers, evolving my social life, reevaluating my identity as an athlete all while keeping a firm grasp on the health of my mind, body and spirit. All that gravity considered, I feel the most present, joyful and powerful I've ever felt in my life.

Like I'm mentioned earlier, I'm overdue 😂 but instead of having any sort of anxiety or sense of control over the outcome, I'm completely content to let it happen when it happens. Our bodies are so intelligent and know exactly what to do and I trust that my baby girl knows when and how she wants to arrive. This little prego limbo moment has given me a beautiful time to reflect on my journey which has been more beautiful than I can imagine. Sure, I've had some bumps along the road, but my overall perspective is that I've thoroughly enjoyed being pregnant and am so happy to get to share my experience in hopes that I can inspire mama's to be like those who came before me.

Like I mentioned above, my journey to pregnancy began years before conception. Since my early 20's I had been battling mystery health issues that were indicative of an autoimmune disorder. Gut issues, chronic inflammation, nerve pain, polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and more. I accomplished a lot of healing with my own dedication to food and lifestyle medicine then I found a host of what we'll call complementary or alternative health practitioners that got me steps closer to the root cause of the issue. I finally found a Functional Medicine doctor who truly nailed what was at the core of my ailments through a series of blood labs and other functional tests. It came down to a series of deficiencies that took me some years to re-supplement back into the optimal ranges. We also rebuilt my gut health, rebalanced my hormones and I had quite a bit of environmental toxins to detoxify, but when it was all said and done- all my previous health issues were gone. No more autoimmunity, food allergies or nerve pain. I'm happy to discuss any and all parts of this journey if you're curious.

Up until that point I had been told that I would probably never get pregnant and/or have a really hard time carrying to full term with a diagnosis of PCOS. Thanks to my fascination with health and sheer determination to make the changes that were necessary, here I am at 40 weeks with the healthiest pregnancy I could have imagined and I've helped others find the same success. No morning sickness- which some will say is linked to nutritional deficiencies that can take years to bring back to optimal. I've heard other researchers say that it also has a lot to do with the father's health profile. So I'm not gonna make any hard claims here.. I'm just grateful I got through the first trimester with fatigue and some pretty epic bloating.

Of course I had all those (what now seem petty) pregnancy concerns of oh no! Am I gonna get fat and lose that ability to do the physical activities I love so much?! Am I going to lose my calm, collected composure and become a hormonally emotional nightmare? Am I going to have to sacrifice my life and identity to become a mother? But like with all fears, I acknowledged their presence and used them as fuel to create my intentional choices. I became determined to keep my body strong and active, I had to change my unconscious perspective of a pregnant woman who was dainty, weak and sensitive to an image of strength, power and stability. Luckily in Hawaiian culture we have a lot of mana wahine and I realized it was time to hone in on what that truly means. I turned my eye towards women who had evolved gracefully finding a balance between their career dreams while being a present and confident mother. Every choice I made from there was rooted in that vision. I kept up with my Foundation Training practice, I kept up with my regular yoga and strength training practice, I kept building my health coaching business and kept prioritizing my overall wellness. All while balancing a full time job as a preschool teacher. I was determined to be the architect of my experience rather than that victimized martyr. And sorry if that offends anyone, we all know the type who succumbs to the resentment of having to give it all up for the kids then pass that down through the generations that follow. I had to make the conscious choice that that wouldn't be me.

Most of all I was determined to stay in the water. Surfing is my life. I definitely had so many fears about losing the ability to surf especially when the bulk of my pregnancy would be in the heart of winter surf season. The fear of missing out was REAL. I had heard all sorts of stories of women who stopped surfing immediately out of fear, then the mothers that surfed until the day they gave birth so I knew that I would fall somewhere on that continuum and I'd just have to feel it out because as Danielle has pointed out- there's literally no guidance for surfing athletes who are pregnant. Generally, whatever your body was doing before, you can do while pregnant. So I surfed until I was about 6 months. I found that I liked short boarding the best because the board had less volume and could sink more into the water leaving less pressure on the bump. I definitely felt my weight and center of balance shifting which made things a little frustrating. All of a sudden my boards felt small and I struggled to get into waves with my new paddling posture. It caused me to get swallowed by the hoards of surfers hawk-eyeing for weakness so they can eclipse you in priority. I had to deal with my hard-earned status in the lineup slipping away from me bit by bit. NOT fun, but a great exercise for the ego. My dad joked about making me a surfboard with a big dip in the center for the belly, but I couldn't justify having him spend the time and money for something that I'd only ride for a few more months. And truth be told I did start to get a little scared.

All of a sudden I felt nervous in the lineup. I became hyper vigilant about who was in the crowd. Who do I need to stay away from? What's the ratio of people who could be dangerous to me? If you've ever surfed the North Shore in the dead of winter you know that we have A LOT of people cycling in and out who may or may not be at the level they should be to keep the lineup in order. So one day I got tangled up with someone who dropped in on me, my board hit me right on the thigh close to my belly and his fin gouged a big hole in my deck and I made the call to stop. Although my body probably could have handled it, I couldn't trust the people around me. I felt so vulnerable and I had to trust my intuition. The movements of your board and the ocean can be so unpredictable and where this used to be enthralling, I now had a little life I felt I must protect even if it meant giving up my favorite activity.

Not gonna lie, I went through a time of being mildly depressed about not surfing. I was watching my husband paddle out to amazing waves and I felt like I had lost a huge part of my identity all of a sudden. I also felt like my surfing was in the middle of a huge level up moment so the thought of losing that momentum was a little extra sting. Obviously I got over it because I know better than to define myself by anything that is outside of me, but it was hard none the less. It also happened to coincide with a rough patch that my best friend and I were going through so all of a sudden I was without my main physical and spiritual outlet and without my favorite person to process it all. It was a great time for me to go within and reassess my values. And really reflect on all that surfing is to me- a physical, spiritual and social outlet. I did a lot of journaling, resting and going within to recalibrate and feel like I retrieved a very important piece of my self-worth that I would need for the journey ahead. As when anything hard comes along, I ask- what am I supposed to learn from this? What are my values? What do I need to let go of? What do I stand to gain? What do I have to do to get there?

Fast forward to my birthday and my husband surprised me with a surf mat! I don't know if you've ever seen one, but they're like little blowup air mattresses that are the size of a boogey board. You catch waves on your belly, but it's so soft you don't feel like you're crushing your baby! So I got a set of fins and set off on my next adventure of learning how to ride one of those things. Man they're not easy 😅 but once you get a hang of it, it's like the stupidest, goofiest fun you'll ever have. I was never a boogey boarder, but all of a sudden I'm having the time of my life kicking into waves and figuring out how to 1. not be a kook and 2. keep the mat with me because there's no leash and 3. figure out how I could trim and do something cooler than go straight! I had a way to join my husband in the water again! The feeling of being out there again was indescribable. Of course I still had the concerns about being around dangerous people so I found myself hanging on the corners of the lineup or finding my own little side waves.

In a way I was loving the opportunity to get out of my standard way of thinking. Looking at the ocean differently, reading waves from a different perspective. Learning a new craft all together. I never could have imagined I'd get so much value out of trying to find the perfect type of wave that was good for this little blow up mattress when I'd spent my whole life looking at the ocean from a surfboard lens. I was learning how to use my hands and body in a different way and deeply enjoying the swims I would have to make when I lost the damn thing. Which led to my next evolution of prego surfing.

I enjoyed the surf mat for a few months and felt like the belly was getting too big to be comfortable prone then in perfect timing my friend Beccy gave me a simple tip that allowed me to actually be successful at body surfing. I know, I know.. been in the ocean my whole life and I've never figured it out.. It's so funny how pigeon-holed we get into a single craft sometimes. Anyway! This was the biggest perspective shift for me. All of a sudden I was swimming out to the lineup and actually riding waves with just my body and my baby. Somehow managing to have the endurance of being out there for hours. I don't know if it was the buoyancy of the baby or what, but I felt the strongest I'd felt in months when even walking was becoming a chore! Each kick made me feel like I was regaining muscles in my legs and getting back the circulation I had slowly been losing. Each stroke gave me the reassurance that I'd be back to surfing in no time. Each wave caught reinforced that I could still dance with the water and it would always be there for me if I just had the will to change my perspective. I also got to see my friends again! Those people in your surf community that you may not see much on land, but you've bonded with over a lifetime and don't realize how much you miss until you don't see them as much.

Ok gotta cut this epically long tale somewhere. Bottom line is there are no rules for pregnant athletes. There are a set of experiences that are unique to each woman, but the more we discover and the more we share, the more informed we become on how to craft the pregnancy that brings us the most joy in who we are and who we're becoming. I'm so grateful to have found this community of mothers who share a commitment to becoming the best versions of themselves and not just for themselves, but for the benefit of us all. In the face of challenge, we persist. IMUA!